Kent,

There are a thousand things that I wanna tell you and ask you but something is definitely stopping me. I tried so hard to keep this feeling to myself...Tried so hard but to no avail. Now I see myself staring directly into a big dark deep pit. A step away from free falling.

This shit i am feeling is so damn wrong and I so knew it..and yet I allowed it to happen. I know you are not even worth it. You are just one charmingly cute guy who just isn't worth everything. Through the many talks we had I knew that you are not the one... Yet stupid as I am, I'm definitely at the verge of falling in love with you. I know I can stop this stupid shit... Only if I put my mind into it.. But how can I when I can only think of you...This mind can only speak of you...you and more of you.
If holding on is more painful than letting you go..then I guess I have no other choice but to set you free. Someone better than me is definitely worth your love and special attention.

And yes, I am definitely in love with you.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

It was a roller coaster of emotions a couple of days ago... last friday, was so much fun and kilig.It was full of fun, laughter and stolen glances and smiles. We, together with our officemates had our usual meeting last friday and chitchat. Minutes before our meeting while awaiting for eveyone else to assemble, Me, Kent and another officemates were talking about love affairs and stuff. Kent and I were facing each other and our other officemate was in her cubicle that makes her not able to see Kent's facial reactions. The whole time his eyes were on me and that made me very conscious that I couldn't look at him straight in his eyes. Everytime I would, He would wink at me and that made me laugh. Although there is no reason to. And He would smile like he was saying...."gotcha!" And then he would smile like he is so amused with himself or me..When I do catch him smiling I would ask : "what's wrong now? Y that silly smile on your face?" and he would just smile and say" nothing". After a few minutes he texted me and told me: " because of you, i am happy. That's why i am smiling!"

I smiled at the text message and I didnt know that he was still looking at me. and he smiled when I saw him doing so. And he texted back..."Does my staring and my smiling make u uncomfortable?" God was I supposed to say?! hahahaha! was i supposed to say " coz ur making me feel so kilig?!" Damn!

When the time to go home finally came, He offered me ride. I gladly accepted, and he still had that silly smile on his face. A smile that I cannot definitely resist! When I finally got home, I said bye and he just smiled and went away.. After a while I looked back and I saw him looking back at me too!! Gosh, what was that?! I can't stop smiling for the rest of the week end, I cant stop thinking of that last look.

Last sunday,he texted me :
" I wanted to kiss you goodbye last friday. I wanted to come back and do just that"

I replied: " Kaya pala lumingon ka"

He replied: " U saw dat?!"

I said yes. He was laughing and was quite ashamed that I saw him. He can't seem to believe that I saw his antics! hay ....i really dont know what to think of these days!

I am glad though that I have this blog. Something that I could make as my escape from everything.. From this rollercoaster of feelings...

7.24 Thursday

Today was definitely kilig day!! The office was a buzz as usual yet i never failed to look into kent's eyes and beautiful face. Often times we'd lock into each others' gaze and i can see the smile in his eyes.. Such a seductive look... my superman. After office hours..we hang out at the office for a while while waiting for the rain to stop. He was sitting with the guys when i decided to join in. I sad beside Kent and I saw the knowing look of the some of the girls. i was sitting close too him since the bench as too crowded already. Though we were sitted beside each other he kept on looking at me and smiling while i was joking with the others. I kept asking him "what" and he'd look away and smile. I stood up acting like I was pikon of him already when really I wasn't, I can't seem to keep hold of myself with such closeness . When I stood up he laughed and pulled me back down holding my hand...hehehehe..God I was so kilig. I couldn't stand it anymore and i had too just leave..so I stood up and left for the kitchen. I looked back and I saw that he was still looking at me, smiling...with that seductive look on his face.

07.23 Wednesday

He called me up last night and i wasn't able to answer cause I was busy blogging! hehehehe.. Anyways i missed him last night. He slept early i guess.. Anyways, he was cute today. We'll he always is. I caught him looking at me a couple of times and yeah i was sure he was looking at me...making pa cute everytime i catch him doing so. Well.. this is it for the time being... byers...

Missing Kent

I miss kent everyday that comes. Yes, i do see him everyday and I talk with him everytime but yet miss him. I miss our laughs together and the way he looks at me. A look that melts my heart. Every little thing he does is magic to me. Anything he does and says brings a smile to my heart/ I know its kinda corny but that is the truth. I definitely don't want to be obvious and transparent about this feeling...but everday..i long for him. One time, i decided not to talk to him or text him the least...And just before our lunch break, he was at my office with a sad look on his face, asking me why i was ignoring him. I just looked back at him and said.."so that you would miss me!" I turned my back when i said it. I didn't want to see his reaction. He left. At night before going to sleep he texted me saying.. " I miss you!" Boy, was I so happy. That started our flirting with each other. Text became our only means of communication. yeah even when we are at the office or when we go out with our office mates. At times, we exchange looks that only the two of us knows what. I would smile and he would look away. I do not know if it is just me, or have i seen him oftentimes looking at me like i was some goddess! I sleep at night knowing that I was the last person he thinks of and I wake up with the sound of his voice saying my name. It feels like an angel sang such a wonderful hymn waking me up for yet another beautiful day. There was yet one time when I went to the office wearing his favorite color. He looked at me, and asked permission that he needs to go home for a while. When he came back, we were wearing the same color of shirt. Yeah, he did that. I blushed and I do not know if someone noticed. I know not what his intentions are or what he was trying to imply. We flirt, yes. But other than that..nada! He never tells me what he feels. He never even asks me out or anything. I really don't know what is between us. Although that I am happy, I am still confused. Yet, when I am with him, all my doubts and confusion seems to fly to the farthest star.

David Cook Always Be My Baby Lyrics

HOW IT ALL BEGAN..

By the way call me yhelle... It had been years since i started work in the office i am in right now. My workplace is buzzed by different personalities and mostly of the male species. We had heartthrobs of course...but I personally don't drool on them cause everyone's like fighting over them... I've had my own group of guy friends in the office and one particularly stand out.For the benefit of this blog let us call him "kent". Kent exudes all the qualities I have in a guy. The perfect gentlemen, with the perfect sense of humor and most of all gives the kind of look that could surely melt one's soul.

The guys had always been aloof to me despite my efforts to be close to them. Yah, because I was superior.But through the years, I have earned what I believed I deserve.... Their friendship. As friendship blossomed between me and the guys... Kent and I had became buddies. We'd text each other too often...I knew that I had the hots for him but I kept it to myself. I never believed an office affair works..more so that I was superior.These are the feelings that I always had kept a big secret. I haven't told anyone and I am very willing to keep it that way. Until today.. I decided to start on this blog...To somehow create an outlet of exactly how I feel...The moments I have and will share with him. The kilig moments that I couldn't share with others...My most kept secret...my most kept love.