its been a while since i've written anything. A lot has happened and I do not exactly know how to start writing.. Words would never come out maybe because whatever I had been feeling the last couple of days are beyond words. Yah rumors had spread in the office about me and kent.. everytime I would talk to kent, I feel everyone staring at us. He told me that someone did saw us holding hands. And I was so worried but he took it all away by making me smile despite of everything. Once I was explaining things to him...He looked around and he held my hand. It was such a sweet gesture that I could feel blood rushing through my face. At one time he drop me off at the bus station.. he said goodbye and he held my hand.. everyday I keep on missing him. Everyday I keep on falling for him. I would always catch him staring at me and just like always, everytime I catch him doing so he would smile. And I feel weak everytime I see that smile. Everyday God has made he would text me "haay..." and as often as he does that I would ask him why and he told me " basta..." I had a feeling we were both having a very difficult time trying to keep things to ourselves. Trying to pretend that we were not falling for each other. But hey who are we fooling?! As always, I never wanna assume. I waited for him to tell me something. I know deep in my heart that both of us cant be "us". But someone has to say something so that we would both wake up from such a surreal dream. It is so romantic and its so kilig that its just like a dream.. A dream that I dont wanna wake up from.

We kept this so called relationship to ourselves. We just look each other in the eyes and we know definitely what we are talking about. We kept this on for days and weeks and I was definitely in love with him. Last weekend, I was down with flu and we were texting each other sweet stuff. It was late at night and when he finally blew it off my face. He told me things were really getting complicated and that He dosnt want me to cry. It pains him to see me hard at our so-called relationship. I told him :

" If you think everything is complicated and you are having a hard time, we could actually stop"

He replied, " do you want me to stop?"

" I do not want you to stop but if i pains you this much, if it pains us this much maybe we ought to let go"

" I am falling in love with you and I am afraid that one day, I will just hurt you and make you cry"

We texted each other with this tone of conversation for the next hours. We slept at the wee hours of the morning. I was crying and I was really hurt and so was he. I do not know at this point what really was going on between us...I am definitely in so much pain and I do not know where to pick up the pieces. I had fallen so much in love with him and I am at a lost right now. He made sure I was okay and asked me to promise him that I will not cry. How can you expect me to do just that?

On monday that week, we saw each other and he was still extra sweet. He made me smile. He told me he doesn't want me to feel bad or sad. He wants to make me happy. While everyone else was gone... He looked at me and held my hand. I wanted to hug him and cry but I kept my promise. I do not have enough reason to let him know how hurt I was. I loved him beyond my expectations. I am missing him...so bad...